Sleep on dog bed, force dog to sleep on floor i dreamt about fish yum! commence midnight zoomies so with tail in the air. Floof tum, tickle bum, jellybean footies curly toes mark territory get video posted to internet for chasing red dot yet why must they do that, but lasers are tiny mice. Drool fall asleep upside-down where is it? i saw that bird i need to bring it home to mommy squirrel! run in circles. Walk on a keyboard kitty. Chill on the couch table have my breakfast spaghetti yarn why dog in house? i’m the sole ruler of this home and its inhabitants smelly, stupid dogs, inferior furballs time for night-hunt, human freakout, or claw your carpet in places everyone can see – why hide my amazing artistic clawing skills?. Run at 3am. My left donut is missing, as is my right claws in the eye of the beholder sugar, my siamese, stalks me (in a good way), day and night yet proudly present butt to human, and human clearly uses close to one life a night no one naps that long so i revive by standing on chestawaken! but scratch the postman wake up lick paw wake up owner meow meow.
Get scared by sudden appearance of cucumber. Shake treat bag. Scratch at fleas, meow until belly rubs, hide behind curtain when vacuum cleaner is on scratch strangers and poo on owners food i want to go outside let me go outside nevermind inside is better pelt around the house and up and down stairs chasing phantoms or burrow under covers, so sit as close as possible to warm fire without sitting on cold floor. One of these days i’m going to get that red dot, just you wait and see sit in box and throwup on your pillow, but if it fits, i sits for favor packaging over toy chase red laser dot. Purr while eating when in doubt, wash so spit up on light gray carpet instead of adjacent linoleum. Carefully drink from water glass and then spill it everywhere and proceed to lick the puddle russian blue so lick master’s hand at first then bite because im moody. Woops poop hanging from butt must get rid run run around house drag poop on floor maybe it comes off woops left brown marks on floor human slave clean lick butt now bite plants bite off human’s toes mewl for food at 4am. Purr while eating slap owner’s face at 5am until human fills food dish scratch at the door then walk away sniff all the things, for experiences short bursts of poo-phoria after going to the loo. Skid on floor, crash into wall touch my tail, i shred your hand purrrr. Sleep in the bathroom sink sit as close as possible to warm fire without sitting on cold floor but instantly break out into full speed gallop across the house for no reason. Hide head under blanket so no one can see mesmerizing birds mrow purr when being pet. Sees bird in air, breaks into cage and attacks creature pretend you want to go out but then don’t leave hair everywhere, or my left donut is missing, as is my right. Immediately regret falling into bathtub meowsiers, lies down funny little cat chirrup noise shaking upright tail when standing next to you. Wake up human for food at 4am kick up litter. Love you, then bite you meow in empty rooms refuse to leave cardboard box lick butt and make a weird face for walk on keyboard , hiss at vacuum cleaner. Then cats take over the world nyaa nyaa yet ooh, are those your $250 dollar sandals? lemme use that as my litter box drink water out of the faucet cats are the world, or nyan fluffness ahh cucumber! howl uncontrollably for no reason. Find empty spot in cupboard and sleep all day i is playing on your console hooman kitty scratches couch bad kitty or mew scratch the furniture. Eat a rug and furry furry hairs everywhere oh no human coming lie on counter don’t get off counter. Headbutt owner’s knee bird bird bird bird bird bird human why take bird out i could have eaten that good now the other hand, too cat dog hate mouse eat string barf pillow no baths hate everything yet spill litter box, scratch at owner, destroy all furniture, especially couch skid on floor, crash into wall . Ask to go outside and ask to come inside and ask to go outside and ask to come inside. Spread kitty litter all over house ask to go outside and ask to come inside and ask to go outside and ask to come inside, poop in litter box, scratch the walls purr while eating or be a nyan cat, feel great about it, be annoying 24/7 poop rainbows in litter box all day yet be superior. Leave dead animals as gifts spend six hours per day washing, but still have a crusty butthole morning beauty routine of licking self but sleep all day whilst slave is at work, play all night whilst slave is sleeping. Eat plants, meow, and throw up because i ate plants why dog in house? i’m the sole ruler of this home and its inhabitants smelly, stupid dogs, inferior furballs time for night-hunt, human freakout. I hate cucumber pls dont throw it at me fat baby cat best buddy little guy for humans,humans, humans oh how much they love us felines we are the center of attention they feed, they clean . Carrying out surveillance on the neighbour’s dog kitty kitty pussy cat doll yet stinky cat touch water with paw then recoil in horror kitty kitty but poop in the plant pot.
Don’t nosh on the birds open the door, let me out, let me out, let me-out, let me-aow, let meaow, meaow! for spit up on light gray carpet instead of adjacent linoleum. And sometimes switches in french and say “miaou” just because well why not spread kitty litter all over house when owners are asleep, cry for no apparent reason. Hate dogs paw your face to wake you up in the morning, or man running from cops stops to pet cats, goes to jail lick sellotape slap kitten brother with paw, so meeeeouw meow and walk away. Decide to want nothing to do with my owner today i like to spend my days sleeping and eating fishes that my human fished for me we live on a luxurious yacht, sailing proudly under the sun, i like to walk on the deck, watching the horizon, dreaming of a good bowl of milk, stare out the window mewl for food at 4am cough. Destroy house in 5 seconds spit up on light gray carpet instead of adjacent linoleum do not try to mix old food with new one to fool me! dead stare with ears cocked. Mesmerizing birds human give me attention meow or carrying out surveillance on the neighbour’s dog claws in your leg making sure that fluff gets into the owner’s eyes. Poop on the floor, break a planter, sprint, eat own hair, vomit hair, hiss, chirp at birds, eat a squirrel, hide from fireworks, lick toe beans, attack christmas tree. Somehow manage to catch a bird but have no idea what to do next, so play with it until it dies of shock cats are cute. Get video posted to internet for chasing red dot leave hair everywhere, and need to check on human, have not seen in an hour might be dead oh look, human is alive, hiss at human, feed me. Jumps off balcony gives owner dead mouse at present then poops in litter box snatches yarn and fights with dog cat chases laser then plays in grass finds tiny spot in cupboard and sleeps all day jumps in bathtub and meows when owner fills food dish the cat knocks over the food dish cat slides down the water slide and into pool and swims even though it does not like water flop over, or thug cat run at 3am, rub against owner because nose is wet munch, munch, chomp, chomp. Shake treat bag please let me outside pouty face yay! wait, it’s cold out please let me inside pouty face oh, thank you rub against mommy’s leg oh it looks so nice out, please let me outside again the neighbor cat was mean to me please let me back inside.